A few weeks ago, Police Commissioner Sylvester Johnson took a valiant stab at relevancy by calling on black men throughout the city to volunteer for patrol duty. While it’s nice to see some attempt at fresh thinking coming from the top brass at the Philadelphia Police Department, I really liked this plan better the first time, when it came spewing out of T. Milton Street’s word hole.

For those who are just joining us in Philadelphia, former hot-dog vendor Milton Street is current mayor’s John Street’s rascally brother, who ran a hilariously doomed campaign for mayor. Aside from pulling classic stunts such as crooning atop a prop coffin at an anti-violence rally and making various racial slurs on live radio/television, Milton is best known for his total lack of credibility as a city administrator. As his campaign burst into flames, he concocted various absurd plans to hold the public eye a little beyond his allotted 15 minutes, including deputizing 10,000 random Philadelphians to stem the murder rate.

So essentially, Sylvester Johnson has taken this insane plan and retooled it into a merely ineffectual and slightly less dangerous one. Hat’s off to the commissioner for not unleashing 10,000 untrained police deputies on the city, but is this really the only idea the PPD can come up with for allaying the violence in our city? This vain attempt to create a giant, uncoordinated town watch program is wholly empty of feasibility and any promise of success. Most neighborhoods in the city already have neighborhood watch programs that are understaffed, under funded, and by and large completely overwhelmed by the criminal element they must face. Milton’s plan was unquestioningly moronic, but it almost certainly would have had an effect (not necessarily a good one…), while Johnson promises more of the same: nothing.

It is time for the city to jettison this do-nothing commissioner. I have no doubt about Commissioner Johnson’s credentials as a police officer and a heroic servant to our fine city, but the man is not an administrator. He was most certainly appointed by John Street because of his race and uncontroversial reputation for being a “cop’s cop”. While he has done a splendid job of not rocking the boat thus far, his embarrassing response to the most recent crime wave has shown his true ability as the leader of our police.

In crisis times like these politics and race need to take a back seat to efficacy. It is with all sincerity that I hope our future Mayor will have the foresight to look past these two ever present pillars in Philadelphia, and select a true leader.

Click to read Inquirer coverage on Johnson’s initiative

As a transplant resident, I am intrigued by Philadelphia’s automotive tradition with regard to funeral processions. Not long after I arrived in this fair city, I was driving down Eleventh Street. As I passed through a four-way stop, I noticed that the approaching car was speeding up not slowing down, so I quickly stopped and watched as this procession of limousines charged through the intersection. I finally was barely able to make out the word “funeral” on a small flag. I have since crossed paths with these processions on a number of occasions. In fact, the other day, I was on campus when I witnessed a procession driving down Montgomery Street. This is a high pedestrian traffic area, but this did not stop the procession from barreling down Montgomery with reckless abandon. When the lead car nearly hit four students, the driver honked and one of the pedestrians yelled at him. Then the

procession continued.

As someone who has lived in New Orleans, I am no stranger to odd funeral traditions. I am told that the hard charging funeral procession is a common occurrence in the city. Is this tradition legal? I certainly have no problem paying deference to a funeral procession. I believe it is proper to do so. However, I do not wish to have my life endangered by one, since I do not wish there to be a premature procession in my honor. I believe this is the heart of the issue. When I first moved to Philadelphia, I marveled at the sheer number of funeral homes, particularly in South Philadelphia. I figure they must form a powerful political lobby in the scope of city government. I am, in fact, suggesting that this lobby group (Big Funeral) holds a great deal of sway when it comes to the city’s ability to regulate the speed of a funeral procession. Why would they do this? Well, dangerous processions lead to more accidents and more funerals. The financial motive is clear. We must stop before it is too late.