Hola mis niños pequeños de la bicicleta!

That reads: Hello my little bike children!

(Don’t feel bad, I had to look that up, too.)

Well, anyway, with the holidays fast approaching, I figured this would be a good time to discuss gifts ideas. When my mom asks me what I want, I always give her the old ‘I don’t know.’ Don’t you think your mom gets tired of that response? So give her what she wants this year…a thought, an idea, a trace of brain activity in that noggin of yours. Tell your mom straight up that you would be thankful if you received a bike for the holidays. Then everyone wins. She won’t have to buy you jeans and underwear (although very exciting and useful gifts) and you’ll unwrap a gift in front of the fam that isn’t quite as embarrassing to open.

I’ve graciously decided to provide you with my top three reasons why you should ask for a bike for the holidays.

And I don’t think you should be asking for a bike so you can keep all of the elves on the island of Misfit Toys busy. They’re cute, but they can make other toys, too.

For my top three, very convincing picks (and for more cute elf pics) continue reading after the jump.

3. You’ve gained weight.

Last Thursday night, you couldn’t even fit into the sweatpants you usually wear to bed ’cause you ate so much. Thanksgiving is generally exciting (Well not so much if you’re a veg and your meal consisted of five servings of mashed potatoes, three biscuits, and four glasses of wine. I mean, uh, not that I know that first hand) but, unfortunately, the meal usually leaves you with cramps and unappealing gas for days.

Ask for a bike and do your body a favor.

If you ride enough, maybe you can get a bod like this dude (OW, OWWW)!

2. SEPTA sucks.

I act like I hate SEPTA, but I actually don’t. So I had a bad experience once where I put my pass in the money slot and everyone on board the magic “C” bus laughed at me for the duration of my 4 mile ride up Broad St. And so what that this aforementioned bus, as well as many others, try on a daily basis to run me off the road and force me into trolley tracks where I subsequently get caught, eventually leading to a spill off my bike.

SO WHAT.

Let’s give SEPTA some credit…NOT.

SatanSEPTA raised the price of tokens recently from $1.30 to $1.45 and transfers are now $.75. What gives? I can’t afford that.

A bike would fix that problem. I don’t remember the last time my legs tried to increase the cost of riding.

SEPTA is a better option than driving, but biking is environmentally friendly and fun.

If you’re not ready to write SEPTA off, just promise me you’ll only use it when it rains.

P.S. Note how aggressive this bus is. Can’t you see the determination in its headlights? I hope he didn’t hit that little guy up there on his bike.

1. Later, STRESS!

It’s pretty much a known fact that biking reduces stress. As much as I want to hit BMW’s in Rittenhouse Square and throw them the finger, I actually do feel generally liberated from stress while on my bike. One of the best feelings in the world is gliding through the traffic light at 15th and JFK while watching the string of SUV’s helplessly wait for three minutes for the light to change. A bike is just a freeing activity, and if you haven’t tried it, I urge you to.

Ask the rents for a bike.

You’ll be happy. And you’ll sure make this little guy smile!