Yo, what’s happenin’?
If you don’t have a bike, you should probably get one. For instance, if you got hit by a van and your bike is now a piece of deformed metal, well get back on that horse and ride! If your bike got stolen by a Fishtown hoodlum in broad daylight, don’t get too upset, it happens to the best of us. Or if you’re just tired of taking SEPTA or using your 1987 Honda Civic to clip other parked cars along 12th Street, consider getting a little guy of your own. I’ll show you where to get some cheap wheels.

This week, I’m going to open your eyes to the GreasySexyCool world of bike shops. I’ve rated the best shops in the city on the following topics: bike selection, affordability, services provided, and of course, employee hotness.

My five great picks are after the jump.

5.) Trophy Bike Garage

1040 N. American St.—Liberties Walk
Selection: Trophy carries a load of awesome new bikes. They’ve got brands like Jamis, Fuji and Surly. The selection isn’t overwhelmingly huge, but they’ve got some sweet rides. If it’s any consolation, City Paper just rated them the “Least Pretentious Bike Shop Where You Feel Like You are Down with Those Groovy Bike Kids” (Scroll down. All the way down.) in their 2007 Choice Awards.
Affordability: Trophy carries new bikes only. Prices range from $229 to over $3,000. So if you’re still getting allowance money from mommy and daddy, this may not be the place for you to find your new love.
Services: Trophy repairs all bikes. Their website promises free estimates and quick service. I’ve never had my bike fixed there, but when I was shopping for a new bike, they at least looked busy repairing bikes.
Employee Hotness: This place is trendy. So if you’re into young men who could fit into the size 4 jeans you wore in the 10th grade, then you should probably check this place out.

4.) Bicycle Stable
1420 Frankford Ave.—Fishtown
Selection: Everybody’s favorite Fishtown Barnyard carries a combination of new and used bikes. If you’re serious about biking, they’ve got the goods. If you don’t know the difference between fixed gear and single speed, fret not, they can hook you up. And if you’re convinced you are a legit biker, you can spend a fortune on a shiny little Bianchi just to fit in with the hipsters.
Affordability: If you steal $75 bucks from your roommate, you can get a bike here. And to purchase some of the bikes, you may want to consider robbing a bank.
Services: They’ll fix your bike. They’re totally cool here.
Employee Hotness: Let’s just say I spent over an hour here testing out bikes I couldn’t even afford. Yes, they’re that babe-a-licious.

3.) Via Bicycles

606 S 9th St—One block south of South Street
Selection: I walked into this place and prayed that a bike wouldn’t fall on my head and kill me. My prayers were answered. Rows and rows of used bikes lined this place from the ceiling to the floor. Walking in, I was a bit overwhelmed. But this place is definitely worth it. It made the cut on that oh-so-prestigious 2007 Fox Philly Hot List.
Affordability: Mad cheap, yo. Skip a night of awkwardness Saturday at Silk City and you’ll have enough money to buy that Schwinn Cruiser you’ve been eyein’ up.
Services: These dudes are like the Albert Einsteins of biking, and some of them even got that crazy hair going on. You tell them what you’re looking for and they’ve got you covered.
Employee Hotness: There are some babes. Some.

2.) Philadelphia Bicycles
826 North Broad St.—Google Maps tells me it’s 0.8 miles from main campus. (Approx. two minutes)
Selection: Selection is limited, but if you want to find a cheap and reliable bike, walk yourself down the block to this hidden gem of a bike shop.
Affordability: NO money. NO problems.
Services: A friend of mine told me to get my bike fixed there. I walked my blue Colombia, circa 1972, joke of a bike down Broad Street and felt really awkward walking into the place. I dropped my bike off and they told me to call the next day. I picked it up the following day, my bike was miraculously fixed, and they charged me next to nothing. If you’re like me, getting a flat tire is almost a weekly occurrence. I have showed up there so many times and they’ve fixed and tuned everything up for me for free. Hollaaa!
Employee Hotness: Ummm, well if you’re into 60-something greasy dudes. Yeah, I go for the free tune-ups.

1.) Bicycle Therapy
2211 South St.—Graduate Hospital Hood
Selection: Oh, ya know…they’ve got your Bianchi’s and Specialized bikes. They’ve got some serious bikes here. Plus, Fox Philly Hot List hollered at them, too.
Affordability: Prices start in the $300 range. Save up that cash money and get yourself a ride that will make all the kids in North Philly jealous.
Services: Their little back service room is pretty hoppin’. Every time I go in there, there are literally 12 people working on bikes there. I bought my new, crazy awesome Bianchi San Jose there last month and they told me to bring it in a month later and they would tune it up for free. Yay! It’s about time that little guy got some lovin’.
Employee Hotness: Two bike stores in the city carried the bike I wanted. I bought it at the BT because I felt morally obligated to get it from this beautiful guy whose name will remain anonymous. And a special bonus, if the bike you want is not assembled yet, you will get a call from that hottie when that bike is ready to go. I missed the call, but loved the v-mail he left. It made my day. No. Actually, it made my life.